The bitterness of mistake

And hello again, you.

Ah just keeping up with things, so let's write things up, the two major things that occupied my head lately.

First of all, as usual. Yeah, it's about him again. My best buddy. Actually i don't really get him anymore. He's like, avoiding me at his full pace. Seriously, is this about giving me that crappy thing called space? Fuck you. I already told you before about this kind of thing. I make my own space and you don't have to do that. I'll be fine, eventually. I already told you before too, that i'll never leave you again furthermore in your hard time. But what can i do if you leave me? Well, that's one of my fucking cycle and yeah, maybe my karma. I don't mind it though. Actually, i'm pretty glad that i actually that busy this term so i don't have any spare time to think about him. Well, i leave it to him. Actually, i'm pretty glad because finally, he made a decision -- which is a very rare thing for him to do and eventually, i ended up made the decisions for him. So, yeah, this hurt. A lot. Being avoided by your best friend without any reason. I may know the reason but i may not. I'll go along with your decision. I'll be fine as long as i know that you're alright.

Second and the last thing, the academic pressure. Being left out by your best friend is a hard thing enough. Moreover, when you're struggling that fucking hard and you don't have anyone else to talk about. Being a student at fast-track program isn't that easy you know? The pressure of being minority and being intimidated by those graduate students are unbearable. I seriously hate the way they look at me like "oh my god, you're that kind of honor student, you must be that SMART". Fuck you. I'm just an ordinary one. I fight my way to be able stand here with my own feet. Moreover, the other college business and whatsoever.

Actually i pretty aware that both of those things are happened because of my own mistake. Actually, my own sloppiness. For the first thing, i think it's because i'm being way too sarcastic moreover the time when i was sick and my friend took me to the emergency room. I know i shouldn't do this but i put all the blame on him. Saying that he's not there for me when i'm struggling alone and the other crap. Yeah i have to bear with this bitterness for some time again. Just, a little bit. I always believe in him, that i'm sure he will always be my best pal and never stab me in the back like the others. For the second thing, well i don't really mind about it anymore. Humans change and adapt. So i always believe in this and eventually, i'm gonna meet my loose end.